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Favorite moviesHellboy II, Jurassic Park, The Iron Giant, The Cabin in the Woods, BoratFavorite TV showsLost in Space, Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Tales from the CryptFavorite bands / musical artistsSimon & GarfunkelFavorite booksAnything by LovecraftFavorite writersH.P. LovecraftFavorite gamesPokemon: Emerald, Kirby Superstar Ultra, Resident Evil 4, Castlevania: Lord of Shadows, Mirror of FateFavorite gaming platformNintendo 3DS, WiiTools of the TradePaint SAI, Gimp 2.0
If you're anything like me, you're constantly plagued with the testicle-shattering decision as to whether you'd rather get molested by a schizophrenic hobo or watch cartoons on the internet. Well worry no longer, because this masterpiece of fuck exists and it's name is "Bedfellows". Congratulations, whoever looked up "comedy" in the dictionary and decided to go in the exact opposite direction. Now lemme be fair here, I don't think Bedfellows is a bad series, but I've only watched two episodes and both of them were absolutely terrible. This one I watched recently and I stopped several minutes it because it was just so fucking dumb. The animation is really good and it's nowhere near as terrible as Party Pooper. In fact, let's get a good comparison in here. In Party Pooper, the characters had retarded designs that were too complicated and we didn't have any backstory or context. Here, the characters have interesting and simple designs and have all the same basic functions of a human, only with different aesthetics. Good job, Bedfellows. Also the story is easy to follow, relatively speaking. They don't need to explain anything because it's not difficult to assume that their world is just anthropomorphic animals living in a civilization identical to that of humans. The characters still are terrible and I don't like any of them, but Bedfellows is still kicking Audience's ass at this. The name still sucks though, it sounds like a mattress store. So why am I reviewing it? Well, because it's fucking terrible. This episode at least. Now, it may be better than Party Pooper, but that's like saying that a deep fryer may be hot but the Earth's molten core is a lot hotter so go ahead and shove your hand in there. Nah, it's pretty obvious that more effort went into the animation that it did the writing. And as a comedy writer who makes 30-page scripts to fill what will hopefully end up as 11-minute episodes, I think I have the basic idea of how to write something down. That basic idea being that once a script is done (hell it doesn't even have to be done), you go back and change stuff that you think could have been done better. And while I watch this, I wonder how it could be the final product of anything. How could there have been nothing the writer could have done better to make this less of a blatant disregard to the Geneva convention. Maybe I'm being too hard on it, oh wait I'm not this shit made me feel extremely uncomfortable. I'm serious here, I felt legitimately uneasy as I watched it. Why? I'm not entirely sure, maybe it's because the guy making it just sorta feels like he can slap a dick in your face whenever he feels like it, regardless of whether it's actually funny or at least makes sense in context. Alright, how's it start out? A guy can't sleep because the guy next door is playing music too loud. Not the most original idea, but it can go a lot of different ways and it's a 3-minute short so I can understand it. At least they're keeping it simple instead of trying to make it too original and ending up with something retarded and outlandish. They do eventually end up with something retarded and outlandish, but there's more than one way to get that result. What way is that? Horribly random sex jokes that come out of nowhere for no reason. Are they at least funny? Nah. Not really. Actually they very rarely attempt a joke, it's weird to think about but there's actually very few jokes in this, it's mostly a guy getting pissed off at loud music and hitting things while sex jokes happen. Other than that there aren't many actual jokes. So we get our first look at our main character, Sheen (No, not the Jimmy Neutron character. I actually like that show a lot and I don't need it sullied), he's a blue... mammal thing. He's a blue mammal thing. Oh and his nose is so large that it technically qualifies as a celestial body. He's pissed because his neighbor is playing loud music. But we're just on the top tier of this shit cake. We're just about to meat one of the most flat-out awful characters ever put into the medium of animation, Sheen's... uhhh... birlfriend, I have no fucking clue honestly. I don't know what specific advantage it is to make a character so ambiguously gendered, it's just really confusing and irritating. I guess that's how you know that the creator is a jackass. And not the fun kind of jackass like HotDiggedyDemon either. It also doesn't help with a name like "Fatigue". Yea that's probably what the writer was suffering from when he wrote the script. So why is Fatigue so awful besides the fact that he's a lavender deer thing with antlers that are shaped in the most inconvenient way antlers could possibly shaped? Well his only purpose is to deliver all the things that make this shit so shitty. I'm talking about the sex jokes, the awkwardness, pretty much everything about this thing that makes me feel ashamed to call myself a living organism. Think of The Bedfellows as a box of pizza, and the deliverer is Fatigue, but instead of pizza you find that Fatigue has taken away any chance of the content being enjoyable by replacing what could have been a delicious pizza with a festering puddle of donkey semen. So Fatigue, who sounds like a fucking Muppet, reaches over and grabs Sheen's dick. Oh good. 30 seconds in and I'm watching a deer grabbing the erect penis of a blue dog with a nose that causes class five tornadoes with each exhale. Really glad I exerted the energy to click my mouse to view this video. Oh and then he jacks the guy off. And then he goes to the guy next door and... his hand is covered in semen. Ohhhh boy this isn't gonna stop any time soon, is it? Hell no it's not. Why would it? I mean, after all, the number one rule of comedy is "Sex, semen, and dicks and absolutely no further attempts at humor." I mean that's just the golden rule, hell with shit that solid why do you even need to try to write anything at all, just throw in some bullshit until you get to the next dick joke. The guy opens the door and, judging by Fatigue's facial expression, opened the Ark of the Covenant right afterwards. Fatigue dying would probably be a welcomed experience but trust me, any death featured in an Indiana Jones movie is way too cool for this trite. So nah, he goes in and then the music comes back on later. Sheen gets pissed and he goes over and kicks on the door, when it opens up he sees... Jeff the Killer as a winged dog? I dunno, that's what I see. Oh and apparently Fatigue just sorta disregards being in a relationship with Sheen and goes with Jeff Angel Dog. Alright, so I guess Fatigue is either just a sex object or the personification of inconsideration. And Jeff Angel Dog has the voice of an Native American chief. I'm pretty sure the voice acting is bad intentionally but it's still distracting. Oh but hey look at that Fatigue is a girl. Still doesn't explain the name Fatigue. What's the main joke of this short? Well, so far Jeff Angel Dog has been completely polite, so I'm pretty sure the joke is that we were supposed to expect him to be a rude asshole but that wouldn't work because Fatigue's reaction already implied otherwise, so not only was this attempt at inverting the audience's expectations in order to provide a comedic result doomed from the start, but even if we ignored that part, it's still not funny because just because we expect it to be something, that doesn't mean doing the opposite is immediately comedic. It shouldn't go along with the expectations entirely, and it shouldn't completely go against them either because they're both predictable results. You gotta go somewhere the audience can't possibly predict. Think of a joke like a job interview, which of these three are you going to find the most surprising? A) The guy who shows up in a suit and tie, B) The guy who shows up in sunglasses, shorts, and a Hawaiian shirt, or C) The drunk shrieking hobo who hits you with a bag of meat. Sure the guy with sunglasses and the Hawaiian shirt is unexpected, but he's nowhere near as surprising as the shrieking hobo. He's just mundanely different. And that's fucking lazy. So then he argues for a while, Sheen gets pissed and punches Jeff Angel Dog in the face and his nose bleeds with most of it not even coming out of his nostrils. Oh and then we zoom in on Sheen's dick. Why? Was it a joke? Who cares, why even try to be comedic or original when you can just show dicks to people? Hell if it works in a cartoon, who's to say it won't work in real life? Yea lemme just rip my pants off and shove my dick in the face of the first guy I see, it's gonna be fucking hilarious who won't love that? So then his nose bleeds and he says "Bitching" and then they do a dance and suddenly the animation has gone from totally fluent and smooth to two frames for some reason. I guess it must have been hard animating three minutes of animals not moving most of their bodies and the poor overworked guy needed a break. Yea it didn't make sense but it's not beyond saving, just do away with the pointless sex jokes, either make jokes relating to another topic, or give the jokes some kind of relevancy.